Prayer-for what?

I have been involved in Pastoral work for around 12 years now and am struck by the prayer requests I receive as Pastor.

A couple of things stand out:

• Most prayer requests are born out of crisis- sickness, accidents, disease. These are authentic heart-felt prayers that arise out of a genuine cry for God's presence at moments of crisis.
  
• The prayer focus outside of crisis centres around four broad areas: Safety, health, prosperity, and relationships. Safety for car travel, against crime etc, health protection against disease and illness, prosperity linked most often to more not enough never mind less, and relationships either for restoration or for a new one.
  

In reality the prayers often seem a little self-absorbed, even though a I write this I feel I am being so judgemental, but most prayers seem to centre on the self or the extended self of the family and friend circle. I rarely hear a heartfelt cry for justice in churches; rarely hear prayer beyond feelings and desires about self, rarely hear prayer that does not centre on thanks for what I have, or for more of what I want. Rarely hear prayer that invites me to see and engage God's heart for ALL.

Secondly I have noticed that there is a relative paucity of prayer requests that centre on transformation. Prayers that ask- help me/us to be more Christ-like. Yet in reading Paul's pastoral letters to his friends in distant places that seems to be his strongest emphasis- may you be more like Christ.

What is it about our culture, faith, religion, spirituality that has led us in this direction- to this way of praying?

My own prayer life struggles with prayers for physical safety- as pastor I have struggled to make sense of people killed in sad ways, dying tragically whilst having others claim God spared them miraculously- a late connection on a flight, sitting other side of the car etc. etc. God seems fickle!

A friend challenges me with a prayer life that centre's around God keeping love safe in their life- that no matter what happens to them they would remain true to love- for family, self, God and even enemies. That in the face of debilating disease, horrendous accidents, overflowing wealth or grinding poverty, persecution or profound intimacy they would be able to respond with love to all. Somehow this makes more sense to me seems closer to Jesus' heart.

 

 

Frozen Ground Swell

When I try to examine the thing that has touched me deepest- poetry and literature comes up naturally. I have laughed and wept through books and have always read vociferously. My favourite poet is Robert Frost- I don't fully understand it but something of his account of the world stirs emotions within me and leads me to deeper places.

The poem Mending Wall is one many have studied through their schooling- some have found it ruined by the toll of poor teaching, lack lustre engagement and the toil of study and performance for marks.

The thing that strikes me most is Frost's question:

"Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offense."

He then goes onto to talk of the "Something there is that doesn't love a wall,"

The Frozen Ground swell is that which causes the boulders to tumble down- it is that which seeks unity, access, community- that something is for me God.

Barry Marshall

The only way I have ever known Barry is and was as a person of faith- and not a hygienic, purified, sterile faith but a faith messy with the complexity and ambiguity of life. A faith not held by certain answers or clear doctrines, but a faith born in a broken but wonderful world, a faith held by a passion to live a full beautiful life punctuated by love, laughter and an exuberant exploration of all that was fun. Barry had answers, had understanding- but somehow he made space for the mystery of God to enter. Barry I think understood that faith and doubt are inseparable- I remember him facilitating discussions at D-camp and forcing people to root themselves in their own lives- to hold their own questions and doubts honestly.

To see and hear Barry preach and teach, to discover the melodies and rhythms of his music in worship, was to see Barry naked and aflame with that passion for life and faith. A passion rooted in his conviction that life could best to lived within a faith in God that shaped and formed all aspects of life. A belief that the community of faith was the hope and light of this world when lived authentically.

Barry was not only this exuberant bigger than life person- he was anchored in a deep spirituality. I deliberately don't use the word religion for his faith was spirit- to worship with Barry was to be led through places of both joy and laughter, but also to places of quiet where one could sense the presence of God in the silence. I remember sitting alongside Barry in silent meditation- I remember sitting in the dark, I remember weeping at the loss of a young person just after a d-camp. I remember sharing a meal with Barry, where I needed help at a painful time in my life of indecision, where Barry shared his own story of pain honestly openly in a way that shone light into my own struggle.

There are things I will miss- the mischievous nature of Barry- water fights, wrestling, good food, good wine and great conversation. I will miss the intensity of Barry- his ability to turn a conversation to the deep things of life- to suck the marrow of the bones of all that makes life difficult and joyful. I will miss his honesty- honesty about his hurts, his joys, his frustrations, his loves, his hopes and his faith. I will miss his passion for justice, his passion for silent prayer; I will miss his passion for the church to move beyond superficiality, judgment and hypocrisy to becoming an authentic community that seeks faithfulness more than it seeks perfection.

I will also miss seeing Barry at rest- you know what I mean. At peace with the world secure in the knowledge of God's love for him but also secure in the love of friends and family- I witnessed it at dinner parties, I witnessed it on camps, I witnessed it in quiet moments of conversation after worship. The most special time was when I saw it with Elaine- I want to say thank you to you Elaine- I remember Barry relaxing into your presence- secure in your love for it other- it was very special to see. I remember when you were carrying Ruben the joy that overshadowed both of you. I thank you for the gift of the witness of your lives together- I witnessed an argument over Barry's tempestuousness, but also the serenity that touched Barry because of your loves, the closeness you displayed.

I remember Barry's Passion which is I think is what we all love- but I am sure there are many of us that remember moments where that passion wounded us- I have remember being passionately argued with, debated with all the heat of his conviction, I have been at meals when people have got up and left because they were struggling to bear the heat of Barry's interrogation, I have been told I am a zoob, and of course I have been sworn at. The gift was that even in those heated moments I never doubted Barry's love and care for me- never doubted his friendship, never doubted that his passion was rooted in his understanding of God's outstretching grace- it was the fire of that belief that often burned me- I believe for many of us it has been a purifying fire.

It was this passion that was in some real way his essence- on one of his blogs Barry spoke of finding his voice:
"i have been thinking lately about how little we really actually change. I began writing on this blog with the value of Integrity as a theme. By Integrity, I mean an integration of all the things that have been broken, separated and polarised - at great expense to the health of humanity (well, let's just say, at great expense to my health and wholeness).
One could say this thing about being "open" and "real" is a bit of "hobby-horse" - it's my little soap-box."…
"Am I finally realising my humble significance in this life - not to do extraordinarily great things - just to speak (live) the message that I've been asked to speak/live, to embody a value that many of us need to embrace, to bring a gentle challenge in one aspect of life where there is imbalance and unhealth?"

Henri Nouwen ponders life when he says:
The question is not: How many people take you seriously? How much are you going to accomplish? Can you show some results? But: Are you in love with Jesus? Perhaps another way of putting the question would be: Do you know the incarnate God? In the world of loneliness and despair there is an enormous need for men and women who know the heart of God, a heart that forgives, that cares that reaches out and wants to heal .
There is no doubt Barry knew the heart of God and we felt and experienced it.

Today I don't wear shoes- it was something Barry often did not do- at lent he gave them up- as a reminder that all ground is sacred- everything Belongs, all are sacred, all is sacred- but also as a reminder that we need to depend on God not on things. In some way today we all gather mindful not that we are not wearing shoes but that Barry is not with us in the flesh. It is hard to bear- I have come to depend on Barry- but I am reminded to depend on God- I pray today God will hold within us the memories of Barry that offer us life.
I miss you
Friend